Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
