You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
