is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
