I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
