I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
