I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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