thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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