My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
