ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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