Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
