just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
