all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
