Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
