So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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