I'm going to jail i love you
I'm jealous of your bromance
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
