Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
