Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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