Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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