video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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