if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
