How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
