are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Still dying that you shit outside
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
