He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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