then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
