She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
