So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Operation Purity has been aborted
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
