haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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