I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
