I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
