i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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