I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
