I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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