I'll bet she douches with gravy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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