i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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