Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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