Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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