Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
