He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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