I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
