I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
