hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
