I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
