Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
