He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
