Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
