You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
