Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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