Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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