I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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