"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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