I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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